Your profile is the key to meeting your perfect match at online dating and personals services so it’s surprising that many profiles are mediocre at best. With a little extra time, thought and effort, and the help of these tips, you can make yours a winner and attract a large pool of admirers to take your pick from.
Invent a distinctive username:
Your username (nickname) is the first hint at what kind of person you are. It needs to be original and memorable, while somehow summing you up – not easy in a dozen letters or so!
For ideas, think about your interests, background, location and personality. For instance, an outgoing person from Phoenix might choose PhoenixSparkler, an avid skier with a wild streak might be SnowTiger. Humor’s great (I recently spotted MissBehaving) but overly sentimental (LetMeBeTheOne), meaningless (Vyc2DX) or desperate sounding (SoLonelyInOhio) names are a turn off.
Give yourself time: think of a name before sitting down to complete your profile, as well as a couple of backup options. It’s amazing how many “original” names are in use already. Most services spit out alternatives but they’re usually unimaginative and full of numbers.
Write a compelling headline:
Your opening line, or headline, is like the first thing you see on an ad: it should compel people to read on and find out more about you. Don’t be apologetic about being there – “I don’t normally do this sort of thing” – and don’t begin (as thousands do) with “My name’s Bob, I’m 25 and live in Boise.” This isn’t compelling. It’s not even interesting. “Born in Boise, Heading for Barbados” is more the thing. It’s intriguing without being confusing, and raises questions: is Bob a traveler, a dreamer or working for an international company? Only one way to find out ? read on!
Again, it’s not easy. If you get stuck, a favorite line from a song, book or movie can say lot about you ? who you like and/or what you believe in – and stands out to other people who love it too.
Post at least one photo:
For 75% of online daters, the photo is the first thing they look for when browsing through profiles. Not surprisingly, profiles with photos get ten to fifteen times the response of those without. Including a photo is a must! But beware, some photos do more harm than good. Big offenders are photos that show you with someone else, or even worse, part of someone else. (It might not be your ex, or your ex’s body part, but people have no way of knowing.)
If you don’t have a suitable photo, get one taken, and keep it real – glamour shots could come back to haunt you. Think about asking a friend to pick out a photo that they think looks most like you. Make sure people don’t have to squint at the screen to see what you look like, and be sure to smile!
Check the right boxes:
Most profiles have a hefty component of check boxes ? age group, sex, and so on. It’s a basic thing but when researching sites I do it a lot myself: check the wrong boxes or forget to change them from a default setting that isn’t right for me. And I’m not alone. Believe it or not, a common mistake among online daters is choosing the wrong sex of their ideal partner. So, take care over these basic but important details.
Check your grammar and spelling:
You might be the most intelligent person on the planet but if you rush your profile and don’t check your spelling and grammar you’re not going to come across well to anyone who values intelligence. You might like to prepare your freestyle entries using a program with spelling and grammar checkers, then paste them into your profile.
Avoid clichés:
Unfortunately, a lot of people say the same thing in the same way as everyone else. It’s boring at best and unbelievable at worst. Can we really believe that so many people “exercise regularly and keep in good shape”? Also, use a thesaurus to replace well-worn words like “good” and “nice” with more interesting, meaningful alternatives that add spice and sparkle to your profile.
Make your meaning clear:
Your spelling and grammar might be perfect but sometimes your words can convey a completely different meaning from what you intended. Give your profile a thorough reading to avoid potentially embarrassing or damaging misinterpretations!
Stick to your own style:
Many online dating profiles include sections where you can express yourself in your own words. It’s a chance to make yourself more human and “real,” and other members can pick up lots of interesting information about you ? clues they might find appealing – from the way you express yourself. Don’t block the process by suddenly adopting a style and tone that isn’t really you.
Focus on your unique qualities:
It’s our unique qualities that make us attractive – and to some, very attractive! When you have a chance to describe yourself, let these qualities shine. Skip the things that people take for granted (and have in common) and focus on the things that make you, “you.”
Perhaps you speak another language, have an unusual skill or interest, or something you feel passionately about. Small things count too. If you change your hair color every other day or have an addiction to triple hot chili sauce, say so. People who share or appreciate your unique qualities will tune right in and they make great conversation starters if they decide to make a move!
Flatter yourself ? it’s allowed!:
If you’re good at something or proud of yourself for something, go ahead and blow your own trumpet. Confidence (not to be confused with a raging ego!) is an attractive quality and there are plenty of ways to flatter yourself while sounding modest: “My friends say I’m?” or, “If I had to describe one thing about myself that I like?”
Be honest:
Many people can’t resist the urge to be less than completely honest when writing their online personals profile. Women tend to lie about their appearance and men about their status and physical prowess. There’s really no need. Online dating and personals services have thousands if not millions of members. You’ve got a great chance of meeting someone who’s attracted to the real you, warts and all. Of course, there’s no need to tell your darkest secrets ? just keep it real. You’ll be able to pursue relationships without having to worry about all the lies you’ve spun. Honesty is an attractive trait.
Be passionate about your passions:
If you have a hobby or interest that you’re absolutely passionate about, that takes up a lot of your time and energy, go ahead and rave about it. It’s better that people know up front how important it is to you, and fellow fanatics will tune right in!
Be careful with humor:
Humor’s great but a super-dry or tongue-in-cheek sense of humor may not work well in writing. People don’t know you and can’t see the twinkle in your eye. You’ll have ample opportunity to display your brand of wit when you’re communicating one-on-one with other members.
Say it with feeling:
Too many profiles read like a job application with flat phrases like, “I enjoy skiing, cooking and photography” which don’t really tell us much. Add emotions, thoughts and feelings into the mix. The idea is to showcase your personality and make a connection on an emotional level.
Be positive:
Our bugbears say something about the type of person we are but keep them to a minimum in your profile or they’ll say something bad! Focus on the things that make you feel good and you’ll come across as a fun date.
Don’t dwell on past relationships:
Too much talk of past relationships is a sure way to scare off potential dates. It doesn’t show much commitment to moving along in life with someone new. However, some services touch on the subject in their profiles in which case you can give it a more interesting, positive twist by talking in general terms about lessons learned, where you are today and what your hopes are for future relationships.
Describe your ideal match in your own words:
If you have an opportunity to describe the type of person you’re looking to meet in your own words, use it. If someone reads your profile and likes you, they’ll know right away whether or not they’re a likely candidate for your affections. On the other hand, don’t be too picky or demanding! One idea is to limit yourself to the three or four attributes that you value most in a partner and perhaps one big turn off (you want to keep it positive overall).
Describe the kind of dates you enjoy:
Make it easy for people to ask you on a date by giving them an idea of the kind of dates you enjoy. For instance, “I like a relaxing atmosphere where you can chat and get to know someone,” or, “Doing something new and exciting together is a great way to get to know someone.”
Promote yourself as a great date:
When someone likes what they read in your profile, they’ll probably wonder what kind of date you’d make. In other words, you seem interesting and attractive but would you be the date from hell? Put this question to rest with upfront information that paints a great picture of what it would be like to date you. For instance, perhaps you’re a good listener who likes a quiet, relaxing atmosphere where you can talk and get to know someone, or a sociable energetic type who thinks that doing something new and exciting together is the best way to get to know someone.
When your admirers know you’re on the same page in terms of dating style, they’re more likely to take the next step and ask you out, or at least to get to know you better, confident you’ll be a great date. And if your dating styles are completely out of tune, at least you’ve avoided finding it out the hard way – on that date from hell.
Create a Master Profile:
Save all your profile information and entries in a master file so you don’t have to start from scratch if you’re planning on using more than one service. Profiles vary considerably from service to service but many parts will be similar.
Make changes:
Last but not least, don’t forget that your profile isn’t written in stone! It’s fast and easy to make any changes you like, so don’t fret too much about perfection!
Online dating has become increasingly popular over the past several years. Every year millions of men turn to internet dating in an effort to meet more women without risking face-to-face rejection. Unfortunately, internet dating doesnt work very well for most men because the odds are so heavily against them.
According to a November, 2003 study by Jupiter Research, men are four times more likely than women to subscribe to an online dating site and twice as likely to browse, post, or respond to a profile. Obviously, those odds are stacked strongly in favor of the women.
When it comes to internet dating, to paraphrase James Brown, its a womans world.
This is quite a contrast from the off-line world, where attractive women are not approached nearly as often as men might think.
While doing research for my book, Take Action: How to Meet Women and Get Dates, I surveyed over fifty single women in their twenties or thirties about being approached by men and their views on being hit on and dating in general.
The most striking finding from the survey was that most women very clearly want men to be more daring about approaching them. In response to the question, should men be more bold in approaching women, 82% responded yes.
With a lot of effort and time, online dating can work for some men but it is not easy. You will probably have more success with internet dating by viewing it as a supplement to other methods of meeting women, instead of relying on it as your sole method. Also, use one of the larger services like match.com. You will need to use a shotgun approach and will therefore want to make sure you are in as target-rich an environment as possible.
But if you really want to meet and date a lot of women you will probably need to do it the old fashioned way. Approach women in person.
As the old saying goes, the more things change the more things stay the same.
When it comes to meeting women, a confident man who can approach a beautiful woman and strike up a conversation with her will always do better than the 99% of men who cannot. Technology might change a lot, but it will never change that.
Food in teeth, nausea, childhood stories and exposing your pot belly are all things you ought to avoid on first or second dates. You run the risk of experiencing these and other humiliating incidents if you choose the wrong place to bring your date. Good places are memorable, different, unique, cost-effective, and relevant to both of you in some way. Bad date places have none of these qualities and the worst places not only lack these things, but also embarrass you and assure that you’ll never get another date with the person again.
Let’s look at the function of a date. If you’re single, a date acts like an interview. Your goal is to get the other person to still like you enough when the date is over to go out with you again, assuming you’re still interested as well. You’re trying to appear cool, sexy, together, confident, and fun. You’re also trying to make the other person as comfortable as possible.
That’s why avoiding the worst places is the first step in smart dating. The following lists the worst places you could choose to go on a date and I recommend that you avoid them like the plague if you want the other person to still like you when it’s over.
An Amusement Park
As the roller coaster nears its pinnacle your date looks over the side and silently swears under her breath at you for talking her into going on this ride. She hates roller coasters, has always been afraid of them, and is highly susceptible to motion sickness. As she contemplates her strategy to avoid you in the future, the coaster starts its stomach-turning decent, and she leans over and throws up in your lap, her way of saying “Thanks for the great date”.
Amusement parks are a funky phenomenon. You’ll often find overgrown stuffed animals running around trying to high-five you, screaming children, long lines, and overpriced food. Unless your date is an amusement park buff, it’s unlikely he or she is going to love the idea.
*** The Beach ***
Don’t get me wrong, the beach is a great place. But from the point of view of a date with a near stranger, it stinks. First, there’s an awful lot of sand and it can get everywhere. You can’t easily eat on the beach; a lack of furniture contributes to that. With sand and bugs-o-plenty, eating ends up being a drag.
But probably the worst thing about the beach is that you’re compelled to take off most of your clothes. Now, if you both have hot bodies, well-groomed with flat stomachs and great muscle tone, then you have nothing to worry about. But if you don’t, stay away from places that make you feel silly if you want to keep all your imperfection-hiding clothes on.
*** A Non-Traditional Restaurant ***
One time I took a date to a Japanese restaurant where they made everyone take off their shoes upon entering. There were no chairs, just floor-level tables that everyone sat around on little pillows. It didn’t seem like it was going to be too bad until I started to smell my feet while eating our salads. The noxious odor must have been escaping from the various holes in my ratty socks. The whole night was humiliatingly awkward.
Other places to avoid are eateries where you’re expected to use your hands to feed yourself. A first date doesn’t want to watch you maul your barbeque ribs and chicken legs like The Missing Link. No one likes the thought of being touched later on by greasy fingers. And have you ever eaten corn on the cob and come away with clean teeth?
*** A Family Function ***
I don’t know about your family, but a few of my great-aunts have hairy faces. I mean really hairy, with partial beards and hairy moles. One of my uncles thinks he’s still living in 1880 and uses every racist expression ever known. So it goes without saying that I never brought dates to family functions. And you shouldn’t either. Weddings, reunions, baptisms, bat mitzvahs, and especially funerals, are out.
There’s no such thing as a family that isn’t dysfunctional. It doesn’t exist. If you bring a first or second date to a family function be prepared for somebody to embarrass you. Grandma will ask you two when you’re getting married and when to expect great grandchildren. And your little cousin Eunice will promptly tell your date all about the time you farted in church.
*** Your Parent’s House for Dinner ***
I can’t think of a more uncomfortable setting than sitting at a dinner table with complete strangers in their own house. Don’t put a date through this torture. You may have the hippest parents in the world. They may intelligent, hospitable and interesting. But don’t subject anyone you just recently met to your parents for an entire dinner.
Often the parent of your same sex looks like you’re going to look in twenty five years. You’ll find your date sizing up your parent asking themselves whether they’ll be ok with your pot belly and hairy ears a couple of decades from now.
Bringing your date to your parent’s house is just asking for trouble. Your mom may temporarily forget that you’re trying to make an impression and start talking to you like you’re thirteen years old again, “Before you leave tonight my little muffin, can you take your hemorrhoid ointment out of our medicine cabinet, daddy keeps using it for lip cream by mistake.”
Dates can be traumatic and nerve-racking in the best of places so don’t make it harder on either of you than you have to. There are some great places to take a date that will make you look like a hero, won’t cost you too much, will give you just enough time to talk to each other, but will also provide an entertaining distraction.
I’m talking about museums, jazz shows, rock concerts, musicals, art shows, plays and live comedy. These are all cool places to bring a first or second date. They allow you to talk and be entertained at the same time. These types of places make the date memorable, distinct and out of the ordinary. It shows you put more than just a little thought in the idea. And if you’re trying to get someone to go out with you for the first time, find out what kind of bands, shows, comedians or plays they like, buy a couple of tickets, and casually invite them along with an explanation like your buddy just cancelled on you and you have a free ticket that you don’t want to waste.
Where are all the good men/women? You go to parties, sign up for various activities and ask friends and family if they know anyone they can introduce you to. Yet, your dating life has been more than a little disappointing. What is a guy/girl supposed to do to find quality people?
Begin by continuing to do what you have been doing. These are all good ways to meet people. However, you may need to expand your search to the world of online dating. This would allow you to expand your search and come into contact with interested and available singles you would never meet in the existing circles in which you now move.
Perhaps you are thinking, “I have already tried this with little or mixed success.” Maybe this too has become a source of disappointment and frustration and even despair. If so, you could be going about it the wrong way, or be in need of some information to put you on a track to better success. The first important step is writing your personal ad and choosing a good site to place it on.
The following are tips to help you write for success.
* Be Yourself
The goal of your ad is to attract the kind of person who would be compatible with you. You are looking for someone who shares your goals, values, sense of humor, lifestyle and perhaps religion or other specific criteria. If you put in information that is not true to who you are, you could send potentially good dates on to the next ad. You may also attract the kind of person you are not interested in.
* Be Sincere
Nothing is more attractive than sincerity. Think about it. Isn’t this a turn-on for you? If you are funny, be funny. If you are serious, be that. Use honesty in describing your traits and desires in a potential mate. If there is something that is a must-have for you in any future relationship, highlight it. Remember that when and if you move to the next step, the other person will experience you as you really are, regardless of what the picture you drew for them in your ad looked like.
* Write Like You Talk
This goes right along with being you. Don’t make your ad seem too contrived or rehearsed. You will loose that feeling of sincerity. Write a few drafts and just let the thoughts flow. Then go back and edit it. Make sure you spell check and check again. There is no bigger turn-off than someone who appears to have poor grammar or spelling.
* Be Specific, But Leave Out Hang-Ups and Other Negatives
This is a first step. You want to put your true best forward. The picture you paint should be upbeat and positive. Everyone has a past. It’s not wise too tell too much too soon. If you feel something is important, than put it in. A good example is “single mom”, “divorced father of two”, etc. Leave out the part about looking for someone to help me heal from a painful divorce. Do not mention past relationships except to inform that you had one.
* Highlight Your Uniqueness
There are things about us all that make us uniquely who we are. Let your ad portray this. If you have a special talent, interesting career or pastime, let people know about it. If it’s important to you, it tells others much. If someone out there shares it, they will be drawn to what you have written.
Find a unique way to highlight yourself. If you look like someone well known, put that in. Just remember, if you look like Woody Allen, don’t portray yourself as a Robert Redford type.
* Avoid classic turn-offs
If you place a heavy emphasis on finding someone who is “beautiful” or “wealthy”, you will turn off many people- often the very people who hope to attract. No one wants to be wanted for his or her looks or bank account. It also says something about you. How about superficial?
* Use a Picture
This is very important. Ads that don’t have one get far fewer responses. Many singles are having a professional picture made of them. You want to look like your BEST self. A professional can usually do a much better job at a very reasonable cost if you shop around a bit.
* Post Your Ad On The Right Site
There are so many choices out there. Look for one that has a large membership of people who appear to be compatible with you. Make sure they have an enforced safety and privacy policy. There are specialty sites for people who seek a partner with a very particular passion or lifestyle. These include but are not limited to: animal lovers, vegetarians, advanced degreed professionals, and sites for people seeking those of the same faith.
If your requirements include someone within a close geographical distance, look for the sites that offer you a good selection.
Once you have given it careful thought and a little research and energy, write and post your ad for success.
Remember, we attract what we are, not what we want.
Flirting is the way most people determine whether or not a member of the opposite sex is interested in them. Following is a quick outline on how you should go about the complex, sometimes fun, sometimes not so fun, task of flirting. It all beings with your approach.
The Approach
One person approaches the other. They move into closer physical proximity. This much is clear: NO approach equals NO possibility of initiating contact. You must approach!
Example: A woman sits down next to a man in a coffee shop, or a man stands near a woman in a dance club. This is the first step. Once you approach, you begin looking for the signs.
The Signs
The person who has been approached will always signal the other’s presence in some way?a sign. This signal is not like a train whistle, however, more a subtle body language which you can learn to recognize. For example, he or she simply may look up, move over to make room, nod slightly, or signal with a glancing eye contact.
A display of total obliviousness to the one who is approaching generally indicates lack of interest altogether. Don’t be discouraged. But if the one you approached shows absolutely no interest, then it’s time to re-group and try again. But let’s say the approach works. You have your positive acknowledgement, now what? Time to talk
The Verbal Exchange
The two people may then engage in a mild verbal exchange about impersonal, unimportant matters such as the weather or the scene around them. The key word here is MILD.
This is the classic place for the clever “line,” but cleverness is not required. At this point, a verbal exchange is not for the purpose of sharing valuable insights about life or determining philosophical compatibility. It is just a vehicle to further the developing contact.
Examples: Verbal overtures might include anything from “please pass the pickles” to “your looking great tonight”, to “have you seen the waitress?”. Without some form of verbal response, it is highly unlikely that the next step will occur. Let’s say all is going as planned. Time for body language.
Body Language
Over a period of time, a couple that has begun to talk may also begin to orient themselves physically to one another, to turn toward one another until, if all is goes well, they are fully facing one another. This is your goal.
This step can take minutes or hours . . . or weeks or months . . . to achieve. Yet, without this physical reorientation toward one another, not very much can ever happen, so give up on people who turn their back toward you for long periods of time! But if they don’t?
Touching
The woman or the man (most often the woman) touches the other in a light, fleeting way. Examples: A couple might accidentally brush their hands against one another while reaching for a drink, or the woman might pat the man on the arm in the middle of a shared joke. The exchange of very subtle, almost glancing touches may continue for some while, and if all goes well, can escalate into the casual affections shown by couples who are dating. If you’ve reached this point, then flirting has now become the beginning of a relationship. The Art of Flirting should always end with the beginning of a relationship. Now get out there and flirt.
The Art of Flirting is really the Art of making first contact. You only have one shot at making a great first impression. By following some of the guidelines we’ve established in this article, you should now be equipped to locate, approach, and ascertain whether or not your subtle flirting has opened the doors to a new and exciting relationship.
