Has it ever happened to you? Have you ever had the experience of liking a woman, being a perfect gentleman, and treating her like a queen, only to have her reject you in favor of someone else (possibly very handsome) who doesn’t treat her right, or doesn’t seem to care about her much at all? These kinds of men have been called “bad boys,” “charm boys,” or “players.” When you are interested in women, do they tend to see you as a friend or “brother” rather than a romantic interest? Do women tell you you’re “too nice”? If so, you are not alone. This article will give you, the nice guy, some tips on how to use charm-boy traits to your advantage, while retaining your nice-guy values.
Let’s brainstorm for a minute. What makes charm boys or players attractive? They are fun, spontaneous, unpredictable, mysterious, and act as if they don’t care what others think of them (also known as confidence). They follow their own rules and don’t let others (including their dates) walk all over them. And they often look good.
So what can you do? You don’t have to engage in risk-taking behaviors in order to succeed with women. Suggest some “safe” ideas on the spur of the moment; for example, “Let’s go get some sushi/ice cream/a Margarita,” or, “Let’s go for a drive and see where we end up.” If this is not the usual “you,” you may enjoy your new-found spontaneity. You can be mysterious/unpredictable without violating your principles. Don’t call her the day after getting her phone number or the day after a date. Give her time to wonder whether you’ll call; keep her guessing. People often want what isn’t easy to get, and women like a little challenge.
You’re the man. Many women are looking for men who are confident and decisive, who can be relied on to get things done. On a date, take command but don’t be pushy. Always have a Plan A and a Plan B, so you don’t miss the concert just in case the restaurant loses your reservation and there’s a 1-1/2-hour wait. But always be flexible, in case your date hates Chinese food, for example, or she just told you her favorite musical group is in town, tonight only. Low-cost dates conducive to getting to know each other include the zoo, a museum, or miniature golf. In addition to saving you money, these low-cost dates also minimize the feeling that you have to “spoil” her or “buy” her affection with an extravagant wining-and-dining evening. And if she likes you, she won’t mind a “cheap” date; she just wants to be with you.
Keep it light and upbeat. Don’t be needy or act nervous. You might be a bit anxious while on a date, but she doesn’t need to know that. Keep things light and humorous, and pay attention to her. That in itself will help you take the focus off you and help you feel more confident. And be a gentleman (you’re already good at this). For example, always offer to pick up the tab unless she insists on paying, open doors for her, etc. But don’t overdo the gifts, lest you appear desperate.
Let her talk. This is where nice guys have an advantage. Most women like to communicate verbally and welcome the chance to be heard. (But make sure you listen; don’t just let your mind wander.) She will be impressed if you remember details about things that are important to her, such as her pet’s name or her favorite book. If you met her online, review her profile for questions you can ask her about her interests.
Neatness counts. Take another hint from the charm boys. You don’t have to be a Brad Pitt look-alike, but make the most of what you have. Review your grooming, clothes, and accessories with an objective eye. If you want feedback, ask a friend–possibly a female friend–for honest input. Or tune into one of the new TV shows which focus on wardrobe/grooming tips for men.
Have a life (and a backbone). Just because you are dating a woman doesn’t mean you drop everything else (including your own friends, hobbies, and interests). After all, relationships can come and go. Keep being yourself. You are not always at her beck and call. When you really don’t want to do something (for example, if she wants you to cancel your ballgame or night out with your friends to go shoe shopping with her), it’s okay to decline. Telling her no may be difficult for nice guys, but if she’s worth keeping, she will respect you for this and value her time with you more. To soften the blow, you might offer her an alternative get-together. For example, “Sorry I can’t make it on Saturday. How about I take you to that new play you’ve been wanting to see on Sunday instead?”
How does she rate? Remember: You have the right to evaluate her, not just the other way around. Does she deserve a second date? Is she relationship material (if that’s what you’re looking for)? Just because she’s attractive/smart/classy doesn’t necessarily mean she’s right for you. Does she treat you well? Is she kind? Does she have decent self-esteem? Is she giving? If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, can you see yourself still with her in 20 years, when some of the supermodel looks may have begun to fade?
The good news for nice guys is that as women get older, perhaps having survived a bad-boy heartbreak or two, they are more likely to appreciate nice guys. Make a list of your good points, the qualities you have to offer. Keep at it. And start believing that you are a catch (or at least act like it)!
There are so many dating sites out there, hundreds if not thousands, how do you even begin to decide where to register and start your online dating experience?
You could just pick one at random, create a profile, and sit back and wait for the other members to beat a path to your email inbox. Who knows, you could get lucky and it might work out first time. But even a tiny bit of investigation beforehand could save a lot of time and frustration!
The trick is to be prepared. You probably wouldn’t go off to buy a new car and start by trawling around dealerships at random, you would already have an idea as to what sort of car you want ? how big, how fast, how much money you had to spend, and so forth. Based on these criteria you would have a good idea of which car showrooms to visit to find the right sort of vehicle for your particular needs. So the first question to ask yourself, is what do you want out of a dating site? Sounds obvious ? a date! But what sort of date? Are you looking for a serious relationship possibly leading to marriage? Or are you after a casual partner and you’ll see where it leads? Or perhaps you just want some uncomplicated fun. The good news is that among the myriad of services out there on the web, there is something to cater for every requirement. Some sites will suit all tastes, but there are many that specialise, and the more specific you are about what you want, the better your chances of finding it.
Before looking at the sites on offer, think about how you will write your personal profile. Jot down a paragraph or two about yourself, your interests, and your hopes for a partner. Then write a few words about what you are looking for in a potential dating match. Doing this offline will help you structure in your own mind what sort of date you are looking for, and then when you go and look at some dating sites, you’ll easily be able to pick out those that offer the best chance of providing what you want. The added benefit of course is that when it comes to filling in your profile online, you will be prepared and wont be sat in front of your screen lost for words. Instead your profile will read in a very natural and honest way.
I would always recommend choosing at least two sites to register with and put your profile on, after all, they are almost all free to start with ? you only need decide if you want to pay when and if someone of interest turns up and you want to make contact.
Websites like The Dating WebReview can also save you time. The reviews will quickly give you an idea about the services each dating site offers, and whether they specialise.
Choosing an internet dating site isn’t difficult. In the end it comes down to finding one that you enjoy using. After all, if it appeals to your taste, then you already have something in common with the other members.
Six months ago an old school friend and I were chatting over coffee, putting the world to rights as women do. She was bemoaning her lack of success in meeting the "right sort" of men. I asked her if she had tried using an internet dating service, and the look of horror that quickly appeared on her face gave the instant answer ? of course not! Internet dating, she informed me, was for the sad, desperate, geeky or freaky.</P>
<P>Sadly this type of response is typical of people from all walks of life. Why sadly? Because those who instantly dismiss such services are missing out on a great opportunity.</P>
<P>The traditional argument for not using the internet to meet someone is that it is not natural. So what is natural? Where have people traditionally met their husbands, wives, lovers, and friends? Statistically, over the past 50 years the most common place for meeting ones spouse has been the workplace. This is hardly surprising given the ever increasing amounts of time most people are finding themselves working. Other common meeting places include bars, nightclubs, and parties, and some lucky few meet their lifetime partner early in life at college or university. However, the workplace remains number one for long term relationships. The reason for this is simple; lasting long term relationships are usually born out of robust friendships, and strong friendships form over time. Spend eight hours a day five days a week with the same people and you will get to know them very well. It is not uncommon in the modern world to spend more time with your colleagues than with your family, an unfortunate but true fact of life. </P>
<P>The increasing amounts of time we as a society are spending working is leaving less time to spend in social environments outside of the office, which means less opportunity to meet new people. So if you don’t meet someone at work, where else is there? Enter the dating agency. </P>
<P>Dating agencies are not a new idea, they have been around a very long time. The internet has simply served as a new medium for bringing people together in a tried and tested way that agencies have used for years. However, it offers some unique advantages for those seeking a partner. Firstly it has lowered the cost of running a dating service, and that means agency dating has been opened up to a much wider audience. Secondly, it has broken down geographical barriers in a way that off-line agencies could never hope to. This is an important point because not everyone is looking for their future husband or wife on their doorstep. Indeed not everyone is looking for a future husband or wife; the explosion in internet dating has made it easier than ever to find new friends and correspondents across the globe. </P>
<P>These two points mean that some of the bigger agency sites now have in excess of three million members, and literally thousands of new members joining every day. With that many people, if you are serious about finding a partner, lover, or a friend, then the internet is simply too big a resource to ignore. And ‘net dating is safe too; there is no need to exchange real names or even email addresses until you feel you know someone well enough. All the services allow you to block unwanted communication and so there is no fear of being pestered. Used sensibly, internet dating can be safer than almost any other way of meeting people. </P>
<P>The internet has revolutionised the way we work, shop, conduct our financial affairs, and entertain ourselves. To use it as a medium for meeting new people is a logical step in our fast changing world. </P>
<P>After that chat six months ago I convinced my friend to post a profile on a dating site, she didn’t even have to pay anything to do so unless she wanted to start sending messages to other people. Now I never see her because she is spending all of her time with her new man. She didn’t find him in five minutes like some of the sales pitches would like you to believe, but then six months ago she didn’t expect to find him at all.<BR></P><p>About The Author:<BR>Sara Blackmoore is a relationship counselor and regular contributor to <A target=”_new” href=”http://www.dating-webreview.com”>http://www.dating-webreview.com</A> <BR>She lives in London, England with her husband and two children.</p><p>
